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Is a fear of commitment a real phobia??

If you’re boyfriend says he has a fear of commitment, you may be starting to wonder if this is a genuine phobia people can have …or if he is having second thoughts about a relationship with you.

Technically speaking it is a genuine phobia a person can have, and even has it’s own name …albeit not a very convincing one – commitmentphobia.

People who have this phobia have an innate fear of making poor decisions or fear of having no options. They see decisions as permanent which can lead to the possibility of getting trapped or being caged.

Fear of commitment can be very damaging in many areas of a person’s life. You may think they are only the ones who run away from commitment, but they are also the type who:

These people can seem to be eager to find a lasting relationship and get married, yet unable to maintain long lasting relationships or find an appropriate partner. To relieve their anxiety, they tend to use their imagination to fill in the lack of closeness or emotional security in their life. And because of this, it becomes more difficult for potential partners to live up to their fantasy.

How To Recognise If You Have This Phobia

The following are the most common fears people have when it comes to commitment:

  1. Fear of the unknown: You don’t want to take risks in an uncertain future. You worry a lot about new experiences and demands placed on you.

  2. Fear of losing control: Being single means you are in control of the what, where, when, and how in your life. Committing to someone means there is someone else to consider and will have a say on things in your life. The thought of losing control freaks you out and signals you to back off.

  3. Fear of making a mistake: You are afraid to make a decision that you might regret afterwards.  So what you do is often delay making decisions hoping it will help you avoid committing a mistake.

  4. Fear of losing family and friends: You are afraid that in the process of committing to someone, you will lose people who disapprove of your decision. You put more weight on social approval. And you are afraid that if your decision doesn’t turn out wise, you will be told “See, I told you so.”

Can this fear be overcome?

Usually, fear of commitment is a result of a bad experience or series of experiences that caused your subconscious mind to think that history will always repeat itself. Consciously and unconsciously, you have set up negative expectations about commitment.

So, in order to overcome your fear of commitment:

  1. Pay attention to yourself whenever you are confronted with your fear. Examine your thoughts and identify what are your views about your fear.

  2. Then try to detach yourself and act as if you were a third party. Challenge your views and fears as if you are debating each of them.

  3. When you start seeing things from a different mindset, you can slowly start to overcome your fear of commitment. Just be patient with yourself because it may take a couple of good experiences to replace the distorted thoughts created by your bad previous experiences.

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