Skip to main content

You are in the: Building Personality Skills article section     

I hate my personality! Can I change it?

Can you change your personality?
Is this possible?

Everyone knows that a person personality affects their behavior. Afterall:

  • If a person is shy (their personality) they tend not to like talking to strangers (their behavior)

  • If a person is confident (their personality) they tend to speak and do things assertively (their behavior)

  • If a person is eccentric (their personality) they tend to see and do things in a different way to others (their behavior)

However, while personality affects how a person behaves, your behavior also affects your personality.

How is this?

Your behavior directly affects your self image. For example, if you play football and you have a good game – your self image is given a confidence boost. This confidence boost increases your confidence.

In this way, you can see how a behavior directly affects a personality trait.

And this is KEY.

Why? Because it dispels the myth most people believe that their personality is a fixed entity. In reality, your personality is a fluid entity and is subject to changes and alternations. And how you behave directly affects this.

But what needs to be understood is that this can work for both good and bad. Negative behavior can negatively affect your personality in the same way that positive behavior can positively affect your personality (like in the example we just went through).

How To Use This Information To Change Your Personality

So, if you have a negative personality trait that you don’t like about yourself, what you need to do is implement a positive behavior (that directly relates to that personality trait) to neutralize it …and then reverse it. In this way, you can remove that personality trait permanently.

For example, if you are shy and this bothers you …you should try and make it a point to talk to strangers in your daily life:

  • Instead of sitting quietly next to someone on the bus, engage them in some light talk about the scenery outside (negative behavior changed to positive).

  • Instead of just paying for goods at the grocery store, engage the cashier about the beautiful weather yer having (negative behavior changed to positive).

  • Instead of replying to people with “yes” or “no” answers, expand upon the topic of the conversation the person is having with you (negative behavior changed to positive).

In these ways, your shyness will slowly begin to become eroded. You will no longer fear talking to people …but instead will enjoy it because it is something you do often and are becoming good at. In this way, your personality will begin to be altered by your behavior.

Applying This Principal To Your Situation

What we’ve just gone through is just one example on how your behavior affects your personality. The principal applies universally.

So if you have any aspect of your personality that you are not happy with, you should examine it to see how it can be fixed by changing certain aspects of your behavior. By breaking that cycle of negative behavior, you will erode the way in which that negative behavior is negatively affecting your personality.

It’s important to remember that you will not be able to change your personality (or a specific trait of your personality) overnight. The subconscious mind is resistant to change. It will take consistent behavior change over a period of time before the corresponding positive change in your personality becomes present …and then after a while – permanent.