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How To Make Sure You Are Picking A Good Partner To Be Your Spouse

Saving your marriage before it starts has as much to do with choosing a good spouse, as it has to do with having knowledge on how to maintain a good relationship. Choosing a good spouse will increase the likelihood of a marriage lasting rather than becoming a statistic of those marriages that end in divorce.

In trying to save your marriage before it starts, your first order of business should be to examine your spouse and make sure that you're picking the right one. Some people pick a spouse because they fulfill a particular need. An example of this would be a guy with few friends wanting to marry a woman with lots of friends so she can make up for his shortcomings.

The problem with marrying someone in order to fill an unmet need is that when the need is met, the person often realizes they didn't want that person as a spouse after all but only what they were able to provide them with. Consequently, difficulties that weren't there before in the marriage surface, and the result can be divorce.

How can I avoid this?

In choosing a spouse, you should make sure that you're not choosing them for the wrong reasons such as to fill an unmet need. Rather you should marry someone that you truly love and someone that has the characteristics required for a long and happy marriage. So how do you pick a good spouse?

  1. Image of your future spouse: Everyone has a mental image of the kind of person they want as a spouse. In choosing a spouse it's unlikely you'll find someone who'll match it exactly but rather will find someone that matches 75% of what they want. If the person you're going out with is not matching the image of the type of person you always wanted - this could be the cause of your problems.

  2. Upbringing: If they are the type of person you always wanted, the next thing you should examine is their upbringing. If there's something in their upbringing that gives rise to concern, you'll need to examine it and whether or not it could become an issue down the line.

  3. Similar belief system: People with differing belief systems will naturally find it difficult to build a successful marriage. In picking a spouse, look for a person that wants the same things in life as you. IE if you like children, it's important that you find someone who likes children also.

  4. Physical attraction: Your future spouse doesn't have to have perfect looks to make your marriage work. However it's important that you're physically attracted to them at least enough that makes you happy.

  5. Trust: If you're not able to trust your spouse 100%, it won't make for the happiest of marriages. You'll always feel as though you have to watch over your shoulder. When you've been with someone for any length of time, you'll have a general idea as to whether you truly trust them or not.

  6. Maturity: Do they seem mature enough for marriage? Or do you think a life of partying would be more appropriate to them. Marriage needs to be treated with respect and sincerity in order to survive. Therefore, you'll want to make sure that your partner is the type of person that will treat it as such.

  7. Do you enjoy talking to them? You'll naturally be doing alot of talking with them if you intend spending the rest of your lives together. Consequently you'll want to make sure that conversation is enjoyable between you both and that you're comfortable talking about delicate things such as feelings, sex, hopes and fears etc.

  8. Are they ambitious? One thing that can put a strain in any marriage is if one partner relies too heavily on the other. It doesn't have to be a 50-50 relationship but you want to make sure that your partner has ambitions of their own for success so you don't resent having to prop them up in your marriage.

Final Thought

While I’ve gone through the characteristics that are needed for a long-term marriage, it's important to realize that these characteristics should also apply to you. If you're considering getting married, you'll want to examine each of the above in relation to you and see if you too are capable of maintaining a long term and happy marriage.

The bottom line is that marriage is difficult. Consequently, you must ensure that you and your partner are able for it before it begins. Having problems before a marriage begins is really a sign you're not ready for it. In truth, if you're having problems now, getting married will only exacerbate the problems rather than solving them.

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