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I can't help but feel regret that I, myself, was the cause of me getting dumped

A major reason you might be finding it hard to get over your ex right now is regret. When your ex gave you their list of reasons for the break up, they may have somewhere put blame on you for things. If they said you were the reason for the break up, you will be left to ponder this and agonise over the fact that you were in some way the cause of your own demise. They may have said:

  • You didn't spend enough time with them

  • You were emotionally distant

  • You weren't who they thought you were

...the list is endless. The problem with these is that they can induce regret in the person that has been dumped that they could have done things better to keep their boyfriend/girlfriend.

They then indulge in this regret swirling thoughts in their mind about "what if" and "I should have done this or that" etc. Being stuck with these thoughts makes it very difficult to get over your ex.

Regret and getting over your ex

The mind creates the emotion regret as a negative emotion so as to ensure that you don't do that same thing again. The next time you are in that situation you will not repeat the same mistake again and hence, create a different outcome. This is a useful concept however the problem is that regret acts as a barrier to helping you get over your ex.

Lets take an example of a guy who always thought he would do something great with his life, but didn't succeed in this. As every year passed and he got older he would accumulate regret of not having achieved what he wanted to.

However if at age 50 or 60 he managed to put into action a plan or business that made him lots of money this regret would fade as he had now righted a wrong. If he hadn't come up with this plan, he would have carried on with that regret for the remainder of his life.

How does this help you to get over your ex?

It shows that if regret is preventing you from being able to get over your ex, then you will need to pro-actively find a solution to this otherwise you risk letting your regret grow and grow as time goes on. If you understood the real reasons people break up with their partners you would see that often a person breaks up with their partner because of personal issues related to they themselves.

Often the superficial reasons given at the time of the break up are just that - superficial. The person doing the dumping can put emphasis on these reasons so as to hide the real reason for the break up. I go through this in my book "THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology". I also show why you feel such regret at having lost "the one" and reveal how to dispel this idea from your mind making it easy to get over your ex.

A person will feel regret for a break up so long as negative feelings of the break up remain. Unfortunately for some people, this can be years or a lifetime. However if you can get rid of this negative feeling for the break up, you will eliminate this regret, making it easy to move on and get over your ex for good.