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Do soulmates exist?

The answer to this is yes ...and no.

Soulmates do exist, but not in the way we tend to think from watching rom-coms and listening to love songs. In my previous article How To Recognize Your Soulmate I explained how we all have a kind of subconscious radar where our subconscious mind is looking for someone who can compensate for our weaknesses and unmet needs and who matches our beliefs and values.

Our subconscious reasons that such a person would be good to have in our life because they would:

  • Compensate for your unmet needs
  • Compensate for your weaknesses
  • Provide intimcacy
  • Provide companionship 

These are all good things your subconscious wants for your mental well-being. When it finds someone who looks like they are a good match for compensating for your particular set of unmet needs and weaknesses (and we all have different ones), it will want to bring this person into your life because it knows such a person would be good for you.

The mechanism it uses to bring this person into your life is to cause you to fall in love with the person so you will do everything in your power to get with them. 

Did you spot something about the above 4 things?

The above 4 things are generally what we would describe a good "soulmate" as being. So I guess soulmates do exist in a sense, but only in the sense that a soulmate is someone (anyone) who would make a good life partner capable of being a good influence in your life.

The rom-com idea of a soulmate where there is only one soulmate out there for each person and you must do everything in your power to get with them is simply fiction. And is potentially quiet damaging to believe in. 

For example, if you were to break up with someone who you thought was your soulmate (your one and only soulmate), it can make recovery from that breakup almost impossible. Thinking your ex was “The One” or your “soulmate” is one of the leading factors that cause people to pine for an ex for years after a breakup. I show how to successfully overcome this problem (and other breakup issues) in my book "THE ERASE CODE: How To Get Over Anyone In Less Than A Week Using Psychology". 

Once you understand how your mind has tricked you into thinking this person was your soulmate when in reality they were only one of a huge number of potential soulmates, recovery becomes much easier. 

But believing in soulmates can sometimes be a positive

Whether it is a good thing or not to believe in the soulmate concept really depends on your current relationship situation. As i've said, if you are going through a breakup it can actually be a bad thing for you.

However, if you are in love with the person, and in a stable relationship with them, believing that it was your "destiny" to end up with this one specific person can actually strengthen that relationship. When a person believes someone or something is their destiny, they are more likley to try and overcome any problems that come up. This is good for a relationship. 

But the programming from Hollywood rom-coms of the concept of there being only one specific person out there, that is “meant” to be with us and us with them ...is so strong that most people tend to believe it deep down somewhere in their hearts. According to the latest Marist poll, 73% of the American population believe in the concept of a soulmate while 27% do not.

And the concept of a “soulmate” would appear to be on the rise. In the previous poll, carried out a year earlier, only 66% said they believed in the concept …while 34% said they did not. When we break down the statistics further, the younger the person is, the more likely they are to believe in the concept:

  • Under 30: 80% believed in the soulmate concept
  • 30-40: 78% believed in it
  • 45-59: 72% believed in it
  • Over 60’s: 65% believed in it

But believing does not make it a reality

But people simply believing in soulmates does not mean such a concept is true. For example, people used believe blood letting could cure a person ...until they found out it achieved nothing at all but actually made the patient weaker. Believing does not make something true.

Having studied the psychology of love for over 10 years now, I can tell you that in reality however, there are actually lots of potential “soulmates” out there that you can fall in love with. And all these are potential “soulmates” or “The One”. Simply put, a “soulmate” is just someone (anyone) you can build an extremely close bond with.


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