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How Cheating Boyfriends SHOULDN’T Be Handled...

Are you wondering what girls should do after finding out about their cheating boyfriends? You’ll find many tips online on how you should handle a cheating boyfriend, but in this article I want to focus on the things you shouldn’t do and how you shouldn’t handle him …if you want to have any chance of successfully building your relationship again.

You see, the feeling of pain caused by betrayal can be so devastating that you find yourself thinking irrationally and doing drastic measures. Usually, the feelings of hurt, desire for revenge, or anger is more intense when you first learn about the cheating. So, your tendency to do things you’ll later regret is higher. That’s why it is more helpful to learn about what to avoid doing at this stage.

So what should I avoid?

Firstly, don’t make what is an already bad situation worse. From there, consider the following points:

  1. Don't let the whole world know about his infidelity: When we are hurt, it’s normal to want to confide to our family, friends, or someone close to us. However, be careful who you’re telling it to and make sure you can really trust the person. You wouldn’t want to be accidentally confiding to the “other woman”. Confiding to a male friend is also risky. Males have a tendency to take advantage of women in vulnerable state. If you confide to your boyfriends family or friends, they may take his side, lie, or make excuses for him. On the other hand, if you confide to your own family and friends, it would be difficult for you to make them trust him again if you do reconcile with your boyfriend. They may even resent you for taking him back.

  2. Don't ignore his affair or pretend it's not happening: Being in denial won’t cover the fact that he’s cheating on you. And doing so can give your boyfriend the impression that you’re tolerating his illicit behavior or that he’s getting away with it. You must find the courage to face the truth no matter how difficult it is for you. Make it known to your boyfriend that you know about his affair with another woman and that you won’t accept it. It’s best to do this early on because you’re boyfriend is not yet too attached to the other woman.

  3. Don't keep your distance or leave him straight away: Even if you may eventually decide to leave your boyfriend, it should not be your first move. Remember the line “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”? You can continue keeping an eye on him and gather as much proof as you can about his affair. Also, as long as your boyfriend stays with you, you also have a chance to still work things out. By staying with him, you are giving yourself enough time to make a rational decision on the situation.

  4. Don't waste your time and energy on the other woman: This is definitely one, if not the worst thing you can do after finding out about the cheating. Being curious about her is not the same as being obsessed about her. You’re only frustrating and even humiliating yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your boyfriend. And what’s worse is if your boyfriend comes to her defense if you start saying nasty things about her. Threatening or harassing her can put you in trouble with the law too. So, just focus on identifying and fixing the real root cause of the issue instead of putting the spotlight on the “other woman”.

  5. Don't confront him without a plan: Be clear about your purpose in confronting your boyfriend and make sure you have proof, not just a gut feeling. A cheater can be a very good liar, so not having a plan in confronting him will just give him an opportunity to come out clean from the confrontation even if he’s guilt as sin. Carefully plan when and where you can talk about his affair so you both have ample time and privacy in discussing this sensitive matter. Present him with evidences you’ve gathered such as names, places, time, recorded phone calls, or other concrete evidences that will make it difficult for him to deny. You could be only wasting your time if you confront him without any proof.

Whether you’ll end up saving your relationship or not, the outcome could depend on how you handle things in the hours and days after discovering that your boyfriend is cheating. It’s normal to feel lost and unsure of what to do. But at least you now know what you shouldn’t do.

Need more info?

Yes, is my boyfriend cheating on me?

Does a woman having a job increase her tendency to cheat?

Why shouldn't I engage in marital affairs and dating?

How can I fix my own insecurity?

How do I restructure my relationship after emotional infidelity has occured?


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