Do spouses cheat because they lack confidence or have too much of it?
It’s important to know what causes cheating spouses from two perspectives:
- If you're already in a relationship, you need to know how to deal with the issues that can result in cheating spouses
- If you're single or divorced, you need to know for future reference how to avoid such problems.
One of the most common causes of cheating spouses and divorce is that of a lack of confidence. The strange thing about lacking confidence is that if you're the one lacking confidence, it doesn't usually cause your spouse to cheat on you but rather the other way round - causes you to cheat on them!
How does a lack of confidence result in cheating spouses?
If you've read any of my articles you'll know that people can fall in love with a person due to a lack of confidence on their own part. They need someone to make them feel worthy and happy so if any decent person that matches their lovemap comes along, they will stand a good chance of falling for them.
So this means that a lack of confidence can cause a person to fall for and marry an individual that may be:
- Less successful
- Less intelligent
- Not as good looking as them etc.
as all the person with low confidence wants, is someone to love them. Their lack of confidence makes them perceive that they have defects (which they may not have at all) and so they are just glad to be accepted by someone. These defects caused the person to believe that they weren't as good as other people.
In essence, they've settled for something below what they could have achieved. They may have dreamed of having a better spouse and life but their lack of confidence caused them to believe they would never get anyone better than the person they got.
How this results in cheating spouses
The thing about confidence is that in some people it can change over time. It can go up, go down or stay the same depending on what life throws at them and how they handle it. Reasons ones confidence can go up include:
- If you advanced your career
- Earned more money than you expected
- Developed a better social network
While an increase in confidence can seem like an inherently good thing, the problem arises in the previous example of an individual marrying a person solely out of a lack of confidence.
If the individuals’ confidence now increases, they may begin to question if they should have settled for someone. They may begin to think they should have held out for someone better that they truly loved and would have been happier with. They begin to think things like:
- I could have got a better spouse
- I could have got a better life
- I should be happier
Consequently they begin to feel discontent with a life that previously they had been content with and the scene has been set for them cheating or looking for a divorce.
Increased confidence can result in cheating spouses and divorces?
Yes. This is because people, whose confidence depends on outside things, are liable to suffer sudden confidence swings depending on their environment and what happens to them in life. And when a person’s confidence changes - their view on life changes too. In hard times, they can feel sad and lonely and not think much of themselves. In good times they can feel better and think they should be getting more out of life.
The result can be that what was a happy and content marriage can now be seen as just average and boring. So how can you take this information and use it to prevent against cheating spouses and divorces down the line? First of all, make sure that your confidence isn't dependent on outside factors but rather is internally dependent on how you yourself view who you are. This way you can maintain a more stable level of confidence and it won't be swayed by outside factors.
If your spouse lacked self confidence and their level of confidence has increased in recent times, make sure you work on inducing and maintaining high levels of love in them for you. There are a number of ways you can do this, which I go through in my book "". Confidence plays a major role in cheating spouses and divorces. If you recognize this, you can be better prepared in safeguarding against future problems in relationships.
Was that helpful?