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What changes after the alter that makes someone want to have a marital affair?

When finding out about your partner’s marital affair, most probably the first question you asked yourself was “Why?” You struggled to make sense of why he or she did it. The following highlight the main reasons for infidelity in marriage:

  • Inability to cope with individual differences.
  • Unrealistic expectations about marriage.
  • Diminishing sense of fun and excitement in the marriage.
  • Inability to communicate one’s interests, needs or desires.
  • Lack of motivation to solve relationship problems together.
  • Curiosity.

You left out sex??!

Affairs are not just about sex. Successful relationships require more than sex to function. It is the feeling of connectedness that forms the basis of intimacy. If one does not feel valued, cherished, and respected, the link between the couple is at risk of being lost.

Some people suffer from terribly low self-esteem that causes them to turn to other people for attention. Engaging in marital affairs make them feel that they are still attractive and can be loved.

A neglected marriage can also lead to people having affairs. When the responsibilities, duties and communication in marriage fall apart, a person can seek the arms of another.

Other causes of marital affairs are life changing events that affect relationships, or merely feeling loneliness. Whatever the reasons are for cheating, the effects can be devastating.

3 Major Effects of Marital Affairs

Whether you choose to end your marriage or not, marital affairs can have major negative effects. These are the ones commonly noted:

  1. Damage to Self Esteem: Just as children tend to blame themselves for their parents’ divorce, you may also blame yourself for what happened.

  2. Inability to Trust: You will find it more difficult to trust a person once you have experienced deception.

  3. Sense of Instability: When what you thought was a perfect marriage crumbles down, your sense of security goes down with it. You may feel that you’re losing everything you’ve worked hard for.

Recovering from the trauma caused by a marital affair will take a long time. It is very important that you find ways to overcome these negative effects. Keeping a strong support system of family and friends would be a wise choice and one of the best ways to put your life back together again.

Need more info?

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How can I restructure my relationship after emotional infidelity has occured?


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